Friday, October 15, 2010

Targeted for Termination

The Rat is back.

Three weeks ago I recounted the scintillating tale of my visit from The Rat (Screaming Echoes of a Girly-Girl). Three weeks to the day, at nearly the same hour, The Rat returned.

For the record, I took it pretty well. Granted, I didn’t actually see any of its scurrying parts this time, just evidence: the gnawed hole in the back of the cabinet where the pipe to the kitchen sink runs back into the wall, the crumbled bits of the wall underneath said hole, and food wrappers pulled out of the trashcan. Again, the sounds were what alerted me: the thumping, the scraping, the tik-tik-tik-tik of its nasty little rat feet running around the floor of the cabinet.


Thanks to my REPK (Rat Emergency Preparedness Kit) I was ready this time: 1) boots on; 2) defensive weapon (long-handled Swiffer Sweeper) in hand; 3) scaled-down version of rat blockade intact; and 4) flashlight. I surveyed the scene and improvised until morning proper came and I was able to get assistance - two cups cut from a tinfoil cupcake pan jammed into and filling the gnawed hole, and Igloo cooler wedged against the cabinet doors and braced by a full jug of spring water.

During my call to the front office, I learned more about The Rat. After it was denied entry at my abode, it visited at least four other units – and gnawed through the thick rubber hoses connected to three of their dishwashers. Numerous traps have been set throughout the complex, but The Rat continues to elude capture. Maintenance did snare it once, but The Rat escaped.

This seemingly is no ordinary rat. It’s Rat Cyberdine Model 101.

Rat 101 can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever.

For now, the Sarah Connor of this story is armed with a rat trap under her sink. It is baited with a peanut butter-covered half-biscuit. There is also assistance from Reese - in the form of half a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup added as rat bait.

Weapons of war.

“What did he just say?”
“He said there’s a storm coming in.”
“I know.”

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